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The Second Shift
Balancing family and a nursing career
I used to be a night shift ER nurse, in what sometimes feels like another lifetime.
There were things I loved about that job, but the way my husband’s and my schedules collided meant that I was sometimes dropping my three small children off at school and daycare after an exhausting overnight shift.
My husband and I were like passing ships in the night, meeting briefly in the driveway as he headed off to work and I tried to switch into mom mode.
I vividly remember the moment I knew night shift wasn’t working for me anymore. I was standing outside my son’s daycare, one child on my hip, juggling stuffed animals and Hot Wheels cars, feverishly waving my hospital badge at a keypad that refused to open.
I got increasingly frustrated until I realized what I was doing. It was funny, but a very clear sign that something had to give (and it wasn’t going to be the daycare door).
Rethink “Having It All”
The question is an old one: Can working parents ever truly have it all? I believe that balancing nursing and parenting is possible, but not in the way we’re often told. It requires strong systems, deep flexibility, and a willingness to redefine what success actually looks like.
We often convince ourselves that having it all means being fully present everywhere at once — at work, at home, in our relationships. When we inevitably fall short, it can feel like we’re failing.
Nursing adds another layer of complexity.
As nurses, we work shifts that don’t follow the rhythms of the rest of the world. We carry emotional weight from our patients’ struggles that we try to leave at the door. Our schedules and environments are sometimes unpredictable.
Over time, I stopped asking whether I could “have it all” and instead started asking where my attention was most needed at that time. Balance doesn’t look the same forever: There are seasons where career demands are heavier, and seasons where home requires more of our attention and energy.
What’s shifted for me is not the desire to do it all, but the expectation that I should be doing it all now (and equally well).
Key Takeaways:
- Redefine balance. You can’t do everything at once — focus on what matters most right now.
- Think in seasons. The needs of your career and family change; your definition of success should too.
Build Systems That Support You
The most successful working parents I know in nursing have built systems to support both their home life and their work. One night, my husband mentioned that his team held a weekly review they called the “calendar meeting,” to keep everyone aligned.
I immediately said, “We need this.”
Ever since then, we’ve had a weekly family calendar meeting every Sunday at 6 p.m. We look at the week ahead, identify conflicts, and plan coverage for work and home.
We also set a clear division of responsibilities, which helps us make sure things get done, and removes the burden of asking for help or quietly, resentfully keeping score.
Where possible, we also outsource everything but the love, whether it’s grocery delivery or housecleaning. Delegating responsibilities that can be done by someone else creates space for the things that can’t, and for the moments that mean the most to our family.
When it comes to childcare, we’ve learned that for us to maintain some version of balance, we need to be prepared for the unexpected. That means having multiple reliable backup childcare options in case plans change.
Key Takeaways:
- Build systems that work. Simple routines, like a weekly calendar check, prevent chaos before it starts.
- Share the workload. Having clear roles at home reduces stress and resentment.
- Outsource strategically. Preserve your time and energy for what only you can do.
- Expect the unexpected. Flexibility and backup plans are essential in both nursing and parenting.
Manage the Transition Between Roles
As nurses and parents, we have two distinct types of caregiving roles, and the transition isn’t always seamless. The emotional residue of a shift doesn’t stay behind when you leave work — you head home with your nervous system still activated and your thoughts still racing as your body tries to catch up with the change in environment.
I remember ending a shift with a difficult patient interaction and then driving home, knowing I would need to quickly switch emotional gears in order to handle bedtime routines.
Managing those transitions is more than just a scheduling skill. It requires setting intentional boundaries between your roles, even when time and circumstances don’t allow for much. You need to give yourself at least a brief moment to decompress before stepping back into family life, and to be gentle with yourself on days when the transition is messy.
Key Takeaways:
- Accept the transition. Moving between caregiving roles takes time and energy.
- Set boundaries, even small ones. A brief reset can make the difference.
- Give yourself grace. Not every transition will be smooth.
Allow Your Nursing Career to Evolve
Sometimes, you may realize that your current nursing role doesn’t lend itself to the balance you need now between your work and your home life. A schedule that was fine for you and your family in one season might become a struggle in others.
Success in nursing is not defined by staying in one role indefinitely. It’s about having the flexibility to evolve within a profession that can accommodate many different types of work structures, schedules, and levels of predictability.
Bedside schedules work for many nurses, but if they no longer suit your current season, there are alternatives. For me, moving from the bedside to ambulatory leadership allowed me to show up more fully at home and at work rather than feeling split in two.
There is no one version of a “good nurse” or a “successful nursing career.”
Sometimes, the most sustainable career move is not to push harder in a situation that no longer works, but to choose something different.
I still think about that moment with the key card outside my son’s daycare. At the time, I was frustrated, but I now see it as a small, honest moment at the intersection of my two roles. Both roles were deeply meaningful to me, but how I was doing both needed to change.
The balance between career and being there for the people who need you at home is rarely perfect, and it’s not static. But, it can be sustainable if you have effective systems, flexibility, and the willingness to adjust as life changes. There’s no single way that is perfect, but there are ways that work.
Key Takeaways:
- Evolve when needed. A different nursing role isn’t necessarily a step back — it’s a realignment.
- Define success for yourself. There is no single version of a successful nursing career.
- Let go of perfection. Sustainable balance is built on intentionality, not flawlessness.
CASEY MICHEIL, RN, BSN, CNML, is a Southern California nurse leader and graduate student who writes about nursing issues. Connect with her at: linkedin.com/in/caseymicheil.
In this Article: Career Advice, Stress and Burnout
